In a fancy bit of service journalism, Maxim has offered a translation segment intending to broaden the horizons of horny dudes too insecure to open the pages of Cosmo. It goes as such:
Match the correct sexual term to its classy gal mag euphemism. (We can read!)"
I'll stop there, but suffice it to say I've never heard "internal bliss bomb" around the locker room.
Ah, what the hell, here they all are, correctly matched:
Internal bliss bomb = The prostate
Bull's Eye = A man's nipple
Neural nub = The perineum (or "taint")
Pea-size passion button = The G-spot
His Pals = His testicles
Pig in a blanket = His uncircumcised penis
Goody bag = Male genitalia
Instant weather update = Erect nipples
Ménage a moi = Masturbation
Cream puff = Penis
I admire Maxim's restraint in using the "correct sexual terms" instead of its usual fare of lad mag locutions. There are only so many times in one sitting I'll put up with reading butcher-shop metaphors for delicate anatomy. "Junk" will do nicely, thank you.
[October issue, page 48.]
(Note: I live with three women. After a little research in the bathroom library, I've verified several of these terms. I am still skeptical of the offensive "cream puff.")
I sent my write-up off to Gawker. Jessica liked it.