A while ago I was wandering through a beauty supply store at the mall--killing time before a movie, mind you--and in the men's section I came across something that made me rethink humanity: Hummer Eau de toilette. Yes, Hummer. As in the SUV. Regaining composure, I imagined a base of transmission fluid, with hints of rubber. But no, it smelled like real cologne. With a Hummer logo slapped on the bottle. Awesome.
Ok I can maybe see dudes getting carried away with their mechanical penile extensions. Buying Hummer fragrance, Hummer hemorrhoidal cream, Hummer mac and cheese. But then on the next shelf I spotted... Hummer body wash? Shitballs. Please read the product description with me:
The essence of adventure is captured in a body wash for those who aren't content to simply watch the world go by. HUMMER body wash is a fresh, exhilarating scent that blends organic essences of the natural world such as sandalwood and leather with exotic spices like cardamom and amber for a truly masculine adrenaline rush that can only be called HUMMER.
Nice. I really want to know who grossly miscalculated the Venn diagram on this target demographic. "Ok team, we want to reach that hordes of men who A.) buy Hummers, and B.) use body wash. Oh, and they have to know what the fuck cardamom is."
But to drivers who actually do sit in that Venn sliver, I only have this to say: Save the planet and get yourself a fucking beard instead.