So I was at a party recently with a couple coworkers: Jay and a woman who prefers to remain unidentified (let's call her Betty.) There was drinking, there was dancing, there were bloggers, and there was a weird dude I'll call Munch. Munch was harmless but a little too friendly, and at a crucial moment a little too liberal and libidinous in his interpretation of the Yellow Pages slogan. Having met Betty only minutes before, dude pinches her ass. Um, what?
Eagle-eye Jay spotted the maneuver and later got to the bottom of the situation. Here's Jay's recollection of the intervention:
ME [Jay]: do women ever react badly when you pinch their asses!
HIM: oh my GOD, yeah! like last month, i was talking to this woman at a party, and we were flirting for hours--like *hours*--and then I pinched her ass. and she like, recoiled, and was like, "I can't believe you just did that!" and i was like, what the hell?
ME: why do you think she reacted that way?
HIM: i don't know, i guess she just took it the wrong way.
ME: and why did you do it?
HIM: to communicate to her, i'd love to dominate your luscious body.
ME: to dominate it?
ME: so we're talking, like, not just like normal, mutual sex, but more like, you're dominant and she's submitting. to communicate to her that that's the type of sex you want.
HIM: no, i mean... i'm exaggerating to be funny.
ME: so just regular sex?
ME: so basically to communicate to her that you're attracted to her.
ME: so then, why pinch her, when there's a chance that will be misinterpreted?
HIM: what do you mean?
ME: well, you just said she took it the wrong way. maybe some women think it's degrading.
ME: well... if she didn't like it... so why not just do something that communicates to her that you're attracted to her but that's less likely to be misinterpreted?
HIM: like what?
ME: well, like you could kiss her.
HIM: well, pinching comes before kissing.
HIM: yeah, to me, kissing is more intimate. pinching is less intimate.
ME: so you would always pinch a woman before you kissed her.
HIM: pretty much.
ME: why? i mean, do you get pleasure out of pinching? i mean, ok, you're trying to communicate something to the woman. but do you get anything out of it?
HIM: what do you mean?
ME: i mean, if you feel her ass, you might get something out of it. but does it feel good to you to pinch an ass?
HIM: well, if she giggles, then i feel good.
ME: and if she doesn't?
HIM: then she'll be like, "i can't believe you just did that."
Our 'munchy friend later went on to explain why handjobs come before handshakes.