SilverJacket

Blogging about Bullshit

I've written some recent posts about bullshit for Brainstorm.

The first one defines bullshit and describes Hunter S. Thompson's use of it on the campaign trail in 1972. And mentions a bullshit lecture on statistics I saw that was actually titled "Not Always Bullshit: A Simple Explanation of Statistics."

The second one relays what Harry Frankfurt, author of On Bullshit, had to tell me about the use of bullshit by Hillary and others on the campaign trail in 2008.

The third describes a bullshit music review in Maxim magazine, asks whether I committed the same sin in Psychology Today, and ties in material from the book How to Talk about Books You Haven't Read.

Double Duty

We've started a network of blogs at work, so I am now also blogging for Psychology Today. It's not yet clear whether this will add to or detract from SilverJacket (though it's already pretty clear what it's doing to my nights and weekends...) As for competing with myself, there's a PT-SJ Venn diagram with a lot of overlap. I've decided that I will be making my psych-heavy posts over there and linking to a few of them from here so you can keep up. I will save my dick jokes exclusively for SJ.

•Check out all of the PT blogs here.
•Check out Brainstorm, the blog written by me and the five other PT editors, here.
•Check out only my posts on Brainstorm here.

Best Email Ever

From: "Steve" <redacted@glis.net>
To: <matt@silverjacket.com>
Subject: Is it a secret code?
Date: Mon, 2 Apr 2007 20:00:34 -0400

If it is, I guess  I'm fucked.

I really shouldn't care why you can't seem to spell "skills" correctly - but it seems such a singular error. You don't misspell "nut-crunching" (although one might argue that a deliberate error, such as "nut-krunching" might convey the agony [the "aggh-oh-neeee"?] more effectively; James Rand had a grandfather who though that "crinkled" should be spelled "krinkled") and you don't even misspell "dies". "Skills" is the only word you misspell - and you do it absolutely consistently.

So what in Hell is the reason?

Or must I read all preceding installments of the blog? If so, go ahead, look strange.

Once upon a time, I was gratuitously different. Then I grew up.

Eric C. Sanders
tired old fart - who finds the Empathy Theory of Yawn Contagion very persuasive.

using the boss's e-mail address

When I read the above email last night I assumed it was spam--you know that crazy surreal spam spewed onto the nets only to confuse filters--until I got about halfway through, and realized he was referring to something I posted on my blog 15 months ago. (The post described how mirror neurons might engender our "theory of mind skillz" and "empathy skillz" (but less so in people with autism, who must settle for "mad card counting skillz," if they're lucky.)) So I replied:

Hi Steve,

Please pass the following on to Mr. Sanders. Much obliged.

Eric,

Thanks for reading my weblog. Nope, no secret code. Just a bit of bloggy irreverence. Skillz is a common rapper and hacker spelling of skills. (See http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=skillz.) As it's often applied to rhyming and fragging (performing well at the rap game or the video games), I found it mildly amusing to apply it to theory of mind and empathy, capacities not advanced through practice, nor thought to enhance street cred(ibility.) In fact, quite the opposite, as wasting fools with style often requires a certain blithe bravado. Well, maybe a rep(utation) for strong theory of mind skillz can garner props (proper respect), as it's pretty cool to say you're all up in your opponent's head, psyching him out, but the use of cog sci terminology still renders the linguistic juxtaposition subtly farcical. And as for autistics with "mad [=significant] card counting skillz," some autistics--the idiot savants-- might have stupendous skills, but, god bless em, they'll never have skillz.

I admit, adding quirk to one's prose can make one look strange, but that's how I roll.

Take care,
Matt

P.S. Are you from Roseville, MI?

No reply today but I'll keep you posted.

One Year, One Blog, One Dream

Today is the one-year anniversary of my first post on this blog. I have since made a little over 100 posts and received close to 50,000 pageviews.

When people come to my blog from search engines, I can see the search terms they used. In September, I listed my top 12 favorite searches over the first six months of SilverJacket. It's time to cover the second six months. Some of the words in the queries are spread over multiple posts, but I have linked the queries to the posts most responsible for luring the reader.

10. where did katrina cocker spaniels go after hurricane Katrina [Um, they were shot, right? I think that was on the news.]
9. retarded boy scouts photos [And queers still can't join? That's BS.]
8. can dogs be given Beano [Can and should.]
7. funny questions in polymer science [Reminds me of this one time at polymer science camp...]
6. "how to use a photocopier" [Press the button.]
5. speculum blog [Christ, there's a blog for everything now.]
4. zen fractal technology nature [Dude... what's the sound of my mind being blown?]
3. comedian terry schiavo dance [I think it's like the Humpty Dance, but mellower.]
2. escape closure of universe become god [If I knew how, I wouldn't tell you.]
1. irony alert matt [Thanks for watching my back, dog. Irony is my Kryptonite.]

Honorable Mentions:
Paula Abdul recurring dream, spanking soleil moon frye, kicking grandma's head, engrish kama sutra, bologna snowflakes, scientology and brushing teeth, funny penmanship award

Thanks for playing.

I should also note that as of October 11, the number 33 hit in a Belgian Google image search for hard porn was my head shot. Awesome very much.

Previously: Can I Help You?

I like my humour dry and my yolks runny.

For a few years there has been a recipe on the Internet that describes how to cook an egg using two mobile phones. Here it is. Basically, you place two phones on a table, place an egg between their antennae, and call one phone from the other. Assuming a power output of two watts, the egg should be cooked in three minutes. Oh, you're also supposed to play a radio in the background at "a comfortable volume."

As far as comedy goes, this piece is pretty dry. I can see people missing the joke completely. (Especially those suspicious that cell phones cause cancer or harm chakras.) Well, it has been making the rounds again, and I was surprised this week to find that a couple of my favorite bloggers who happen to write professionally about science and technology are among those who missed the joke. (I will not name names, as they have already been shamed by their readers.)

Okay, without doing any research whatsoever, here are three easy ways to use your own common sense to debunk the hoax.

1.) If mobile phone antennae can cook an egg, why don't you feel the slightest heat from them on your ear after using them for even an hour? You're better off using heat from the battery.

2.) Microwave ovens have several HUNDRED watts, and THEY take several minutes to cook an egg. How could a phone cook one in the same time with two watts?

3.) Have you heard of cell phone towers? Cell phones communicate with them. Cell phones do not communicate directly with each other. That's what walkie-talkies do. (Bonus, not as obvious: Cell phones don't send data solely in a straight line to cell towers either. Do RAZRs have homing devices that know where the towers are and aim transmission straight to them as you bumble about? No, they emit signals in all directions.)

If you do a little Googling, you'll find more technical reasons why the gag won't work, but any one of the above three should be sufficient.

So before you go fiddling with the radio stations on your hifi, wondering why your egg is still cold (would smooth jazz work better?), please recognize that not everything you read on the Internets is true. And if you're really worried about brain tumors, forget phone phobia and stay the hell away from any radio playing Beyoncé's new single, "Check On It". That shit is toxic.

Can I Help You?

Occasionally I check my blog's referrer log to see how people get here. When people come from search engines, I can see what search terms they used when my blog popped up. I am rarely unamused.

Below are my top 12 favorite searches over the first 6 months of SilverJacket. Some of the words in the queries are spread over multiple posts, but I have linked the queries to the posts most responsible for luring the searcher.

This list might also serve as a quick review for new readers eager to catch up.

12. {regression in the time machine}
11. {"extreme sand castles"}
10. {song, unattractive person}
9. {video footage of Ligers}
8. {charles barkely woman problems}
7. {what does Boyakasha mean}
6. {two dicks in her ass}
5. {smoking embalming fluid}
4. {CLown kicking random people's nuts}
3. {on;y people i know listed in my address boob}
2. {andrew barlow really had his arms ripped off}
1. {absurdity and arbitrariness}

I hope the next 6 months continue to be as eventful.

Trends in the Blogosphere

Technorati, the Google of the blogosphere, has now tracked 1 billion blog links.

Are you new to blogs? Well let me share a few of the current trends in the blogosphere, as I'm discovering them.

David Sifry, founder and CEO of Technorati, recently posted some statistics. It turns out that people create 40,000 new blogs a day, and each day there are half a million new blog posts. Also, 15 of the top 37 most-linked-to websites on the Internet are blogs. Here are parts 1, 2, and 3 of his State of the Blogosphere March 2005.

On the other hand, a Gallup Poll in late February revealed another side of the story. The number of Americans very familiar, somewhat familiar, not too familiar, and not at all familiar with blogs was 7%, 19%, 18%, and 56%, respectively.

And if you're wondering what the best blogs are, look no further for an easy introduction than the 2005 Bloggies.

The Illmatic

Did you know Kim Jong Il keeps a blog? Check it out. It's hi-falutin'-larious. Start at the bottom and read up. He also includes many of his IM chats with W. ("License2KimJongill" vs. "Bush43"). I had not realized that the Korean translation of LOL is ROR.

Salut!

And you thought everyone in the world had a blog already. You, sirs and madames, are in for a tasty surprise. Please put on your safety goggles and enjoy the ride.